When Life Threatens to Become Unmanageable 

One of the primary triggers of my use was dealing with seemingly unmanageable and overwhelming feelings and situations.  I constantly felt as though I was facing unmanageable situations and; consequently overwhelming feelings that screamed to be anesthetized.  This temporary escape only provided but brief respites to a life that was but a constant barrage of unmanageable episodes that seemed to constantly threaten my very security as a human being.  The continual working of the 12-Steps has given me new tools in which to manage these difficult situations.  The 9^th Step promises tell us we’ll intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 

Today, I run into far less situations that cause me to have to deal with extreme and overwhelming feelings; thanks in large part to my growing relationship to the God of My Understanding.  That said, there are situations which threaten to be difficult, and seemingly unsolvable.  As a single Father in recovery; I’m faced with parenting a rebelling teenage boy who’s seemingly hell bent on failing as many classes as he can his Sophomore year; and he’s well on his way to achieving this curious goal.  I have tried everything in my power to motivate him to do his homework to no avail.  While I was in active addiction and alcoholism; I was only interested in being the “fun” Dad.  I didn’t want to especially deal with things like homework – and when my children pushed back on something I often caved.  I especially didn’t want to punish or be the “bad guy” because of a lot of unresolved guilt I carried around for a lot of reasons; the divorce with their Mother and my excessive drinking atop that list.  

Today I am fortunate to have shed the guilt and shame I harbored against myself, as a result of rigorous Step Work and good therapy.  That said, I still loathe being “bad cop” and being the one who has to dole out consequences.  Thank God for this program – which has allowed me to understand my unwillingness to punish is about *me* and not my children.  Not instilling consequences is not what’s best for my children; especially the rebelling teenage boy bent on starting a new collection of “F’s”.  I took away the boy’s electronics indefinitely; until there was a minimum standard met with regard to his grades.  He hated it.  And so did I.  He was defiant; and I was loving.  I told him the electronics were distractions; and taking them away wasn’t a punishment as much as I told him I wasn’t going to allow anything to get in the way of him doing his homework; and those electronics were indeed getting in the way.  He scowled and refused to do his homework.  I continued to tell him that I loved him and that if he would do his homework he could have them back.  I also told him that other things could go away in the coming days if there wasn’t any effort made on his part.  

I hated having to do this; and for the first time in a long time I wanted to drink because I didn’t see this situation improving and the feelings I was experiencing were becoming too much.  I wanted to hit the eject button and just escape these out of control feelings and this out of control situation.  But I didn’t.  I reached out to my recovery community and expressed how I was feeling.  I reached out in a moment of desperation and the recovery community responded.  They said this is normal.  They reminded me of my recovery tools.  My sponsor said he went through it too; and it gets better.  A friend recommended that I might do an inventory on my relationship with my Son.  I prayed.  Lo and behold; the boy actually started to do his homework today.  I small sign I might be doing right by him; despite how “I feel”.  See, in recovery, it’s not about me – but how I can be of maximum service to the God of my understanding the people in my life. 

Charlie LeVoir
Host - The Way Out Podcast


© 2017 The Way Out Podcast www.wayoutcast.com